To have or not to have?

Not everyone is like me.  Not everyone has wanted kids forever.  Not everyone likes kids, especially not the thought of them being responsible for said kids.

That said, I truly believe there is a misrepresentation of parenthood out there...  So all those "not everyones" out there - this is for you!

I've been reading a great book, Babies! by Dr Christopher Green.  Of course, as the title suggests, it is a book on babies, most of which I thought I had down-pat.  I realised that, although I have a very good grasp on certain things, I have been misled by so-called professionals, just like many many other mums out there. It's no great revelation, it's just a clarifying moment for me...  For example:  I read, and was expressly told by midwives and doctors, that skin to skin contact directly after the birth was not only amazing for bonding, but downright essential for a good start in life.  BULL!  Yes, of course it's great for bonding, that part is true, but the implication is that if you fail in those first few hours after the birth of the thing you hold most precious to you, then you've failed them for life, and things will go badly from here.

How stupid is that?

If that were the case, as Dr Green points out, all adoptions would fail.  Mums who had caesers wouldn't be able to develop the same kind of relationship as a naturally birthing mum.  I was actually a subscriber to this nonsense, to the point where I was stressing about what to wear during birth so that I could easily get skin to skin contact with my son after he was born!  How ridiculous!  In an ideal world, we'd have dreamy 'orgasmic' labours, feel like a million bucks afterward, hold our baby for the first time, skin to skin of course!, and love and adoration would fall around us like a veil of perfection...... Blah!!  That's not what happens!!!

This is what really happens...

You spend hours in agonising labour (perhaps not, for those who are scheduled c-sections), you've been ripped to shreds - either by a scalpel, or a massive noggin stretching the bejeepers out of you.. You're tired, dazed and confused about this ever so small thing they're giving you..  You're numb from all the action, and then you feel guilty cos you don't automatically love and adore this being you've created the way you've been told you will ("if you hold it skin to skin..").  Don't feel guilty if this was you.  Bonding and love takes time, and it will happen.  Just let it be!

The other thing I wasn't really aware of was the "in-room care" you undertake when you've had your cherub.  This sounded great to me, as opposed to the "cold, noisy nursery" in the hospital.  I now believe this was all just a ruse, to get the nurses out of helping me..... I needed sleep and rest.  I didn't get it, because I was sure that having my baby sleep in the plastic crib beside my bed was for sure the way to go.... No way!!!  Take him, let him sleep in another room, and I will rest....  I'll be doing that next time, that's for sure.

I've also been reading a little about post natal depression.  Apparently it's not as psycho crazy as people make out.  I am about 98% certain that I still suffer from minor bouts of PND.  Anyway, if you want to know more about that, I honestly suggest you read this book..

Ok, that's all from me today!  (don't cheer so loud....)

he he he

A. xo